Forgiving Yourself
Pretend you are God. Pretend you have a fluffy little baby who keeps eating sand because she can’t see. She’s blind. She doesn’t know the difference between grain and sand. One day she’s so angry at herself, she refuses to eat because she thinks she’s stupid and can’t tell the difference between what’s poisonous and what’s nourishing.
But you love her. You want her to try to eat, every day, so that she can live. If she died, you would be sad forever.
You need her to forgive herself, or you, as her creator, will have a broken heart, forever. That is why self-forgiveness is so important. Because God cannot be God, cannot love us, until we begin to love ourselves.
I, just like many people, understand shame, public humiliation, and embarrassment. Even when I try to forgive myself, others will remind me of what a bitch I was to them, what a hot mess, what a walking disaster. Yeah, they’re right. I have to give them the space to feel that way about me AND STILL give myself space to walk away from who I once was and be new again.
They can have their opinions of me and it doesn’t have to effect what I’m doing now. I’m so sorry I created a bad memory for them of me.
But the only way I can correct it, is to create new memories from now on. I may never heal their bad memories of me. The permanent damage might be done. But I can never ever hope to flow love back into their lives, until I begin to flow it back into my own life, first.
The bible speaks of Jesus’s lost years— from when he was about 13 to age 30. He kinda went M.I.A. When he popped up again, no one recognized him. He was all grown up. All they knew was that he was this scruffy carpenter from a crappy town called Bethlehem, a nobody, an illegitimate child born of an unwed teenage mother.
He let them think that of him. He allowed them to have bad memories of him. Because he had to love himself, in order to love others.
It’s okay to have bad memories haunt you or troll you. Jesus had to deal with this. He had a ton of trolls. He never got rid of his trolls.
A lot of times, he didn’t speak up for himself. He just let the new people whom he loved tell the trolls “Hey, this guy is alright. He’s changed.”
He let his new life, his new circle of people, speak on his behalf.
Forgiveness
When people try to remember their bad memories of you, you can apologize to them by saying this—
The best that I can do is not be that person anymore.
Please write this down on your journal:
Forgiveness is not holding onto who you no longer are. Just let it go.
You know, you just don’t have that energy in your vibration anymore. God wants his fluffy fur baby never to remember that she once ate sand. It’s not important anymore. What’s important is now she eats grain.
Do you think the people who truly love you care that you used to be sick? All they care about is that now you’re well. They just want you to live. So that they can live.
Your life gives life to others. Your job on this earth is to give life. In order to do that, you must first grasp life for yourself. Give yourself life.
When you forgive yourself, you are giving LIFE to yourself. Give yourself life force.
