God The Creator Suffers
God goes in and out of being the creator of all to being you…
When my father was sick with cancer, I saw him vomiting into the toilet. I put my palm up to the sky— I called for God. In that moment that I prayed, I saw God. I saw God surrendering his life— his ability to live— I saw him surrendering it.
God had his arms wrapped around my father’s waist. They were both on the bathroom floor of the hospital. When my father retched forward, God vomited into the toilet. And I knew that God was nauseous from the chemo.
In my anger I heard a voice in my head ask, “Why don’t you save him, rather than be him?”
I watched God sharing in my father’s experience. I witnessed the choice that God sometimes makes— to not be separate from you in your moment of pain. I knew in that moment… I just knew—
When you are in your greatest pain, God cannot stand to separate from you.
There is a need, an innate primal need— the need a father has for his baby— a need to know what your child goes through. It’s a relief… to know.
It was a relief for God to have sweat and saliva in his hair, to be suffering alongside his son— because God knew that if he could do it, his son could also do it. And moment by moment, he was walking my father through this valley.
I said, “You are God. Wave your magic wand and end this suffering.”
God said, “I cannot. He is my son. This is his life. Every moment— irrespective of suffering— every moment of his life has value.”
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