The Book of You

God’s Book of You

God says to me, “I have a book of you.”

I ask God, “What do you mean?”

God shows me a vision of himself in my mind. He opens his pockets. He has a bunch of little books in there. But he also has really big pockets. Digging into his pockets he says, “I have book for each person.”

I’m like, “What do you got in there?”

I think Sofia carries a lot of stuff with her wherever she goes but God has all these little books in his pocket— one has a yarn cover— he crocheted the cover of the book! One is a little handwoven notebook. One is cloth. Mine is vegan leather. Can you believe that? Anyhoo, he shows me his pockets.

I’m like, “You have one for each person— in the world?”

He says, “Only the ones that pray.”

He looked at me. It’s really hard sometimes when God looks at me. He communicates with his eyes and I can’t even see his eyes— he’s just a body of light— when he appears to me. But I can feel him looking at me. It hurts every time, it feels like someone is filling you up with love— and that love is so real, it hurts. It’s like if someone handed you a baby panda bear. It’s complete emotional overwhelm.

So I ask him about Dodi’s breast cancer and he says, “Oh, I got her book, right here.”

It’s a book with all her prayers from her childhood until now. I ask, “Who wrote this? You or her?”

He says, “Kinda both, Vicky. At first, they are written in her voice. So when they show up in my prayer book, I see her handwriting. I get a notification every time she enters a new prayer in our book.”

I ask, “When you say ‘our book’ do you mean…?“

He says, “Hers and mine. It’s ours.”

Prayer Notifications

I ask, “What notification?”

He says, “I will feel it in my heart.”

Then, he shows me. I’m at Target and in front of me are these disposable aluminum pans. All of a sudden, I am hit— like how you can be hit by a baseball— I am hit with the poignant memory of my friend, Alex, baking a cake in one of those pans and bringing it to my house on his birthday. My knees buckle, I feel a tear in my heart, and I say, “That aluminum pan is breaking my heart.”

God says, “Yeah! That’s a notification.”

He continues, “Every time I get a notification, I check the prayer book and there it is— written in her handwriting, her prayer. Some of her prayers bleed or have tears.”

Rewriting in The Book of You

I says, “Is that the ink… cuz I was gonna ask you what color ink her prayers are written in. Sam would use purple. I use crayons.”

God says, “They are written usually in tears, in a crystal translucent ink. So I rewrite her prayers in my own handwriting and in my own voice.”

I says, “You don’t delegate that to the prayer angels?”

He says, “Do you delegate kissing your koala bear to prayer angels? Some things, you do yourself, even when you’re God— because you’re God.

I’m like, “Ok.”

God says, “Look here. She writes in her own tears, ‘I’m scared. I have this cancer diagnosis.’ When I rewrite her prayer in my own handwriting, I write, ‘Dear God, Thank you for the gift of fear. For the first time, I’m counting every day. I never counted the days before. Now, I realize that every day of my life— counts.’”

I am like, “So you don’t actually cure her of the cancer. You just make it a gift?”

God is like, “She will cure her own cancer. I inspire her with the love that she needs to heal it.”

I am like, “Ok. Then what?”

The Prayer Angels

God says, “Then I send both of our versions of her prayer to the angels. They take it from there.”

I am like, “Okay. So you’re like… the processing center. You’re like 1-800 prayer line, this is God. Then you complete her paperwork and send it to the angel department— like an angelic work order?”

God is like, “Yes. By the time I process her prayer, the angels have instructions on how to guide every situation in her life— to help her let her fear teach her that every day of her life counts, it always counted, it still counts— even when she doubts.”

I say, “If you had rewritten her prayer— as her fear teaching her how to make a billion dollars selling cat beanies, then…”

God is like, “Yup. The angels would receive the work order— and they would have instructions on how to guide every situation in her life— to teach her how to make a billion dollars selling cat beanies. But that’s not the prayer I wrote…”

I say, “Yes! But you could have! I’m sure you did that with Facebook, with Twitter, with Tesla. You could totally do that. You just think love is more valuable than a billion dollars.”

And I give God that look, like a squint….cuz he knows I’m hinting to him, what he needs to be writing in my prayer book.

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