Pregnant Women Suck
Today, I want to talk to you about Mommy Brain. One time I was at a bakery and the woman working at the counter was pregnant. I asked her to cut my giant muffin in half, so I could share it with my 83 year old aunty. She refused. She was pregnant.
If she lifted up a butter knife to cut my muffin— that’s energy that could be going to her unborn child.
I was so irritated, I was like, “You won’t cut my muffin in half? It’s your job!”
She said “My job is to be a mother.”
“If that’s your job, then why are you working here at the bakery?”
“So I can pay rent so my child will have a place to live.”
“I’m the customer.”
She’s like, “I can’t talk to you. Every word I utter out of my mouth is energy that could be going to my” — and she points to her stomach —“baby.”
It was the worst customer service, ever.
I started avoiding pregnant women, just in case—they’re too selfish to deal with me…
But then one day, I became a mother. I birthed our church Hale Ho’onani in May of last year. When people ask me if I want to go have lunch or go to the beach or go shopping… I respond— “SHHH! I’m a mother now. I have a church. That means I don’t have lunch. I don’t go to the beach. I don’t go shopping. The only reason I exist is my church.” Then, I cut them off.
On the other hand, if someone donates to my church or comes to our Sunday Service, I pledge my heart to them because they represent the beacon of hope for the world. The moment our church was born, everything in my brain got re-wired.
I have total Mommy brain.
I’ve known people for 30 years— if they don’t attend my church, I cut them off. I don’t care. If you don’t love my baby— you don’t love me. If you don’t help my baby live— I don’t help you live. That’s mommy brain.
It sucks all the resources from every corner of the universe to feed, clothe, and raise its child. Mommy brain doesn’t care about you. It doesn’t care about global warming. It doesn’t care about customer service. It doesn’t care about anything— except her child.
There are a lot of mothers on this planet who don’t give a crap unless it contributes to the well-being of their child. Mommy brain is fierce. It will cut you.
You’re like, ring a bell “Customer service?”
Mommies don’t care. Mommies only care about one thing— their kid.
Mommy brain believes, “You are irrelevant, my child is everything!”
I went to this church once, and the preacher asked, “What is the most dangerous thing in the whole world?” He was trying to say the most dangerous thing in the world is your own mind—something like that. And I was like, “Nope. It’s mommies.”
At one time in Hawaii, my next door neighbor was a drug addict. Everyone was scared of him. He was out-of-control violent. He punched a big tall guy, and the guy died. So when he had these demonic episodes, everyone would run.
One night, I guess I was his target. He took his truck and he kept trying to run me over in his truck. He was revving the engine and speeding towards me— and then he’d screech the breaks when he was a few inches from me. I’d run off and he kept chasing me.
I just refused to hate him.
When his front bumper was lodged into my stomach, I tapped the hood of the truck and said, “I love you. You’re okay.”
He couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t terrified, because everyone else had already ran to call 911. Finally, he got out of his truck with a knife— put it in my face— and said, “Why aren’t you scared of me?”
I replied, “Oh… you haven’t met my mother. You’re nothing compared to her. She will slice you up like you’re baloney. I grew up with her. You think you’re something to be afraid of? She is Mother of something to be afraid of. No…you’re not even close.”
Mommies are dangerous
Mommies are dangerous. They are fierce. They will do anything to protect their child. They will use you, drain you of your resources, then throw you away like tissue paper because they only need you for one thing— to help their child live. That’s it. That’s the only reason they interact with you.
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